26 Apr BoE April 2021: Control and Conflict Resolution
- Q. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD, this means Abraham is a controller🙂
A. The scripture quoted in your question is from Gen.18.19. I have quoted the NKJV version below:19 For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” In a sense you are right. God knew that Abraham would command, instruct and direct his children and household in the way of the Lord, not in his own way but the way of the Lord. There are 2 types of control. Godly and ungodly control. Ungodly control is simply a way for one person to selfishly gain control of another person. This is discouraged. Abraham had more than a thousand people that was in his household and he led them (not drove them) into the way of the Lord. He led by example and the people were happy to follow.
God singled out Abraham, not because of the control he had, but because he will lead his household in the way of the Lord. This is what attracted God to Abraham.
This will also attract God to anyone who desires to lead their family in the way of the Lord.
- Q. Sir, based on All the examples you cited on Control, don’t you think it’s a habit we inherited from our parents, how come it worked for our parents then.
A. You are partly correct in the sense that we inherited characteristics of ungodly control from our parents but mainly from our fallen sinful nature. (Rom.3.23). This means everyone, including our parents have sinned. Unless we submit that control to the Lord Jesus asking Him to change our hearts and give us a desire to do good, then, even the tender mercies of the wicked are cruelty. (Pr.12.10) Fresh water and salt water cannot come from the same tap. (Jam.3.12). You cannot bring good out of bad. (Job.14.4). It may seem to have worked for our parents (andthat is debatable) but examined under the torchlight of the Holy Spirit, it falls short. Only a Christian is capable of showing unconditional love and godly control.
(Rom.5.5). - Q. Divorce is a sin; can God forgive divorce as he forgives any other sin?
A. Divorce is a sin, and all sins can be forgiven by God. The only sin that cannot be forgiven is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. (Matt.12.31). The thing though is the Bible discourages marriage after divorce. The Bible will have anyone divorced be reconciled to her own husband or remain single.
(1Cor.7.11). - Q. A spouse can be passive controlling, not extreme to isolate you from friends but control passively but it does not make it right.
A. You are correct. Passive control is not right, just as aggressive control is not right. Both are ungodly before the Lord and His Word. Wherever the desire to control another person is for selfish and personal reasons, regardless of passivity or aggressiveness, it is a sin. This is why God gave us free will. This should not be taken away from anyone.
- Q. Sir, on control, which you made mention about you checking on your loved ones after a certain time, would you say that is controlling or just been concerned.
A. The motive for checking will determine if it is concern or control. - Q. As the head of my family, I should make decisions for my family.
A. Permit me to rephrase your statement as:
‘As the head of my family, I should make godly decisions and lead my family in the way of the Lord, by being a good example’
However, you do not and cannot make decisions for your family on matters personal to your family.
They have their free will to make their own decisions.Honestly, even the decision of which religion or God to serve is a personal decision.
However, you can encourage or guide, but cannot make a decision for your family.
I have discovered that as you prayerfully model Christ to our spouses, children and church family, it is easier for them to follow you. (1Cor.11.1).
Remember the words of Paul in 1Cor.11.1. ‘Follow me, as I follow Christ’ another version says ‘Imitate me as I imitate Christ’ another version says ‘Follow my example as I follow Christ’s.
I will end with 1Cor.4.16 which should be our prayer to God regarding those who we lead. ‘I beseech you, be followers of me’. NKJV says I urge you…, GNB say I beg you…, NIRV says I am asking you…., Message Bible says I am not asking you to do anything I am not already doing.
This does not sound like a controller who makes decisions. It sounds more of an encourager to me.
Every leader and head of a family should be an encourager.
- Q. What if your husband takes continuous wrong decisions that have affected the family adversely.
A. It is a great pity when a leader continuously makes wrong decisions that adversely affect the family or team. It is greatly compounded if there is information available to help arrive at an informed decision.I have two suggestions which you might want to prayerfully consider:1. Let him know that you love him and would like to be involved in the decision making process. Let him know that the final decision will be his to make, but you will gather all the information both of you need to deliberate on it.You will no doubt need God’s wisdom and patience, but God will help you and by His special grace restore all the losses the family has experienced.2. Should that fail, you should consider getting someone he has respect for involved such as a Pastor, a trusted friend or a godly elder in the family. I pray that the Lord will grant you a testimony, in Jesus mighty name.
No Comments